Sony Classics - Thumbsucker

THANK YOU

This came in the mail. I hope I am not invading the privacy of the person who made this - this person I do not know, this person that I'll just call "the giver". I guess that's me in the center, "the recipient". I am wearing a little blue-felt-hand-made-hat. I have hat's like that, they're bigger and made out of cotton, but that's my hat. Everything is sewn into the box so I can display it on it's side. There is a cloud, there are ribbons, the red patch, the sparkly golden area. I love how it's both super beautiful and nothing at the same time. I've studied it for a while and I've concluded that everything in this box is an instrument for a magical procedure I do not understand. If I touch the bell in the box, something will happen in this "real" world. It did not come with real instructions, and I'm a little afraid. It seems like I could do something very wrong with this if I'm not careful. I'm just keeping it in my office, looking at it every once in a while. I hope that soon it'll just come to me, how to work it, like when you've been studying Spanish without much success, but then one day, a complete sentence pops out of your mouth.

"STRANGER" BY SARAH SHAPIRO

Okay people, get ready to hear one of the best songs in the whole world. This is from her upcoming record. http://www.dnp006.com/

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS BUT IT FEELS LIKE THE ANSWER.

I went to the KCRW studios to do a radio interview with Elvis Mitchell for "The Treatment."
In the hallway there was a poster that said:
WE HAVE NOT LEARNED ANYTHING,
WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING,
WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING,
WE DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING,
WE DON’T SELL ANYTHING,
WE DON’T HELP,
WE DON’T BETRAY,
AND WE WILL NOT FORGET.

I didn't have my camera, and I was in a hurry to get to the studio, so I quickly took a picture of it with my phone/camera. In the bottom right corner there was a little credit, which is too small to read on my phone/camera shot. I remember the credit as saying "from a Czech poster", and I'm thinking it must be from the 1968 protests. My girlfriend saw this on my computer and was startled because she grew up with the same poster in her house - but she remembers it as being somehow Native American. And now it has quite a different meaning, which makes a lot of sense, and I'm wondering if I hallucinated the whole Czech thing. As of now, neither of us can confirm our version. So it's just sitting there in my mind like an old sign at the edge of a forest. No one knows who put it there, you keep on walking, but now every tree seems ominous - and you wonder, am I with them? Or am I their problem?

WHAT IS THIS HUMANS THING?

In doing interviews for Thumbsucker, I get asked all the time about "my clothing line in Japan". That's not really what it is. Well then, what is it you ask? I'm not totally sure. After art school, I started out as a graphic designer that would sometimes have shows in art galleries. I no longer do design as a commercial job, but I do have shows and this thing called Humans - basically a line of objects and patterns. I am trying to make work that is as personal and has as much thought put into it as when I do a gallery show - but these objects are cheapish, mass-produced, meant to be part of every day life like a T-shirt, and they invite collaboration. I make patterns that are printed onto fabrics, and scarves, and there are T-shirts, posters, bags, and cloth ribbons with messages on them. Yes, Humans is made in Japan and funded by a very nice guy named Takafumi. He isn't a big retailer, he doesn't have any other stores, this is his first try at something like this.

And yes, this is me promoting myself - I'm struggling between how gross it is and why-the-fuck not feelings.

And below is the Humans installation the Playmountain Store in Tokyo.

Here is recent installation of Human's stuff at the Nieves Store/Gallery in Zurich.

Here are some patterns: "Plate Crack" and "Not How Or When Or Why But Yes" That have been made into scarves.

Here is a poster, it's called "Mark's Paper Ribbons."

And below are some things that one of my favorite artists/designers Susan Cianciolo made with Humans fabrics.

You can check out all the Humans stuff and locations at the web-site: http://www.humans.jp

HEY YOU

Mike, yes you, listen to us - You are home now. There is nothing more you can do for the film. We are worried about you, and we've been patiently waiting here in this position the whole time you were gone. You can't travel anymore, you can't meet anymore people - do anymore press. People are seeing the film, right now, as we speak to you - so just let it go, Okay?

We know, you think you were at this press conference in Toronto just recently, but that was just a dream. You dreamed that you were in the Beatles but you didn't know how to play any of the songs, and for some reason, Tilda, Lou, Keanu and Kelli were in the Beatles with you.

Here's the weird part: During the dream Tilda picked up your digital camera and started taking pictures of you guys (as the Beatles) at the press conference. If you look closely at Keanu, you can see he knows this is just a dream and he really isn't in the Beatles. He knows about this kind of stuff.

See how dreams work! There are clues imbedded in them that tell you it's just a dream. In this picture (that Tilda supposedly took) you see your own name! See, you're that Mike Mills guy, not one of the Beatles.

And this is really where you are, at your desk writing away. Yeah, it's a little quiet, yeah, your lucky if you get 3 phone calls a day, and yeah, that's a bird chirping out the window.

Really, you should listen to us, or we'll turn on you.

EVERY CIRCULAR OBJECT ON THE CEILING OF A HOTEL ROOM

Things you learn while doing press tours for films.

MEMORIES

I talked to Lou today. Since our press tour he has already shot another film, starred in a music video, and is now rehearsing for an upcoming film. In other words, he's already been 3 new characters that I had nothing to do with. He's grown-up, moved on, wants me to drop him off on the corner so his friends don't see me and he only calls on hollidays.

Here are some pictures from the good old days, when we visited a TV station in Seattle.

Picture one: there are going to be some vague misunderstandings in the lower right section today. Don't go into this area today if you are feeling vulnerable or if you really need things to be clear. Those of us in the lower right should expect: answers to questions that just bring on more questions, troublesome innuendo, mistaken identities, and general anxiety.

Picture two: A high pressure surge in the upper left quadrant is pressing down on these misunderstandings, making them more personal - like when one person says: "I thought you loved it when I do that?" and the other person says, "No, I just said it's okay."

Picture three: The good news is that everything looks pretty clear in the upper right quadrant. Yes, is just bright green there all day long.

OMENS AND AUDIENCES

Sept 16th, the day the film opened in NY! My girlfriend and I went down to Ludlow St. looking for TG-170. When we got out of the F train, my old friend Brendon was just standing there on the platform (Brendon performs as BARR, I've written about him in past blogs). He's one of the more postive/supportive people you'll ever meet - so seeing him randomly on this day is GOOD OMEN NUMBER ONE. It was nastolgic to be back on Ludlow, my old neighborhood, the place where I met so many friends and in lots of ways figured out how to be the person who made Thumbsucker.

GOOD OMEN NUMBER TWO. TG-170, a great clothing store, is owned by my friend Terry. Inside I'm attacked with kindness by her three matching dogs. As you may know I think spotting dogs on important days is a good sign, so imagine meeting three of the same dog - it was like I struck it rich on some good omen slot machine. This dog had a little piece of black string stuck to his nose. I guess this dog and it's string are telling me that things we have no real connection to can get attached to us. We might not even notice this thing has become a part of us, and while it may be very small - it changes everything.

That evening I went to the theatre to introduce the film and do Q and A's at the very first public screenings of Thumbsucker. I must admit that I got chills seeing the name flash by out in the open like that. All of a sudden the word "Thumbsucker" seemed way to personal to be on the side of a building, or like some obscenity you just don't say in public. I felt very proud but also like I just did some graffiti on the side of this building and I better go and hide before I get in trouble.

GOOD OMEN NUMBER THREE: I enter the lobby of the movie theatre and there is this dog cruising to the ticket line. When was the last time you saw a dog in a movie theatre lobby? I'll answer for you; never - you never have . As we went up the escalator to introduce the film I started to feel incredibly nervous. These people are literally the first to pay to see the film - we are out of the safety-net of the film festival audience. What if they all dislike it so much they attack me and want their money back? What if they are all just visibly (but silently) disappointed? That's my biggest fear; they have to be polite because I'm there but I can tell they don't like it.

Here are some of the very first people to ever buy a ticket and watch Thumbsucker. Thank you all once again. And all you people in the back standing up and waiving your hands, don't think I don't see you putting in the extra effort. After all the nervousness, I'd have to rank this as one of the highlights of the whole filmmaking experience. People laughed at the right places, they were quiet in the right places, and I got to sit with my favorite person in the world to see it happen. At the Q and A after the screening, a little girl (I mean little) was there with her mom and dad. She asked if I liked making the film. I said "well, I've been doing it for 6 years now, so it was like..." I wanted to say having a girlfriend but I couldn't say that to her so I said it was like having "a relationship" for 6 years. Did I just say the word "relationship" to this little girl? She might not even be six. I asked, "well, how old are you?" she answered "8". I said, "well, I've been making this film for most of your life.... have you liked your life so far?" That was the best I could put it. By the end of the night I felt inappropriately intimate with everyone in this picture, like we all lived through an airplane crash together and we're starting our lives over from scratch in this theatre.

Saturday the 17th. I fly home to LA to introduce the film in my hometown during it's opening weekend. There is a party at the Agnes B. store for the photo book we made for Thumbsucker. You can see parts of it in the BOOK section of this site. A car picked me up at LAX, but by the time I got home there was another car waiting in my driveway to take me to the party. I know this seems like bling-bling bragging, but it's the best picture of my life on this day. I basically transfer from one air conditioned black interior to another. At the party I see the book for the first time and I am relieved - it looks great. Here's Ed Templeton, one of the photographers featured in the book signing an autograph. One of my first films "Deformer" was about Ed's life in Huntington Beach, his wife Deanna, his skating and artwork. I first met Ed at Aaron Rose's Alleged gallery back on Ludlow St where I was the day before, and now he's in this book and Aaron published it. It's great all these people are still my friends and are a part of this bigger, more public project. On this day I felt like I was graduating from college and having my 10 year high school reunion at the same time.

Cortez, my Godson, at the Agnes B. party. Look how smart he is - avoiding the crowd, looking out the window, plotting his escape. He's such a solid little piece of meat you really do want to eat him. This day, the 17th, is also the one year anniversary of my dad's passing away. Yeah I know, obviously that's why I'm starting to feel crazy. On the final page of the Thumbsucker photobook (which every-one is holding at the store) there is a picture of my dad reading Walter's Kirn's book at our Portland set. I forgot about that page of the book - it was startling and perfect to see him there, on this day. It's so strange that he's not here to be a part of all this, and equally hard to understand that Cortez is a part all this (in his own little-person way).

CONFUSING OMEN NUMBER ONE. That evening, the 17th, I go to the Sunset 5 to introduce the film with my friend Cayce. On the way to the theatre we came across these banana peels. What kind of a sign is this? Seems ominous but hard to decipher: Does this mean there is a very messy hippy going to see my film? Or a run-away child that finished the last snack he brought from home? Someone on there way to Crunch was so busy and Crunched-out they couldn't wait for the trash can? Someone was actually diligently carrying these to a trash can but was startled by something and ran off? My intuitive response (in terms of negative or positive) is that one peel would have been a bad sign, and somehow two peels cancels that out. The second peel makes a joke out of the first one and it's hostility.

In the courtyard of the Sunset 5 I meet this dog. I'm just stating the facts. GOOD OMEN NUMBER FOUR.

The 7:20 screening of Thumbsucker in Los Angeles. Okay, you guys in the back, I see you and really appreciate the wave and outstretched arms! Meeting the audience at these screenings has made the filmaking experience so much more grounded. Being in the same room, seeing faces and sharing the air makes me feel more like I cooked a meal for all these people.

The next day, Sunday the 18th, I headed off to Seattle for more press. I came across this drawing in the Burbank airport. You may know I'm a big fan of the Panda Cam, so it's funny to see this crayon cam of a Panda. But look at his face, his wobbliness and confusion, It felt like a drawing of my face that morning. Those lines captured how all the hype and anticipation of the film release was catching up with me - how exposed and responsible I was feeling. By this point in the trip I was feeling so self conscious I didn't even know how to sit in my tree anymore. I was trying to wrap myself around it with my strange leg (or arm?), but it looked like I'd slip off backwards any minute.

Seattle, Sept. 19th. I am reunited with Lou. In-between interviews we built a sculpture in our windowless room. See what I'm saying about Lou? I would have never thought to climb through the sculpture.

Same day, Lou and I are in the Seattle airport on the way to Portland and we came across this very large poster of a Panda. I was too tired to feel much, I couldn't tell if this was just a coincidence, or a sign, a good or bad omen. I will leave it as - EXCITING COINCIDENCE I'M TOO EXHAUSTED TO INTERPRET. I'm frustrated by this because his/her eyes really seem like they're saying something, and I of all people should know what the message is.

Sept. 19th, Portland. Lou and I did our first live television show. One of those local morning talk shows with an "in-studio audience." But look at this audience! I'm not making this up. I know that many of you must be very over this dog thing, like someone thinking it's fun to play with the stereo volume nob on a long road trip. I'm sorry, but If you believed that dogs were good omens in association with this film, what would you think when you saw this audience? I'm calling it, AMAZINGLY GOOD OMEN NUMBER FIVE.

Sept. 20th. My girlfriend and I leave Portland. If you haven't seen the movie, I am reinacting one of the last scenes that we shot on this spot.

The next day we went to San Francisco to be part of Res-Fest. While this is a film festival, these people paid for their tickets and most of them aren't in the traditional film industry so I'm calling this a "real" audience. Yeah you, way in the back with your arms up, I'm waving back at you as I write this. It's still a trip to think that large groups of strangers sit in dark rooms and watch this thing we made. I often feel that the film is just a figment of my imagination, or something that only makes sense to me. This is the only time that I'm able to really digest that all these separate, autonomous people might to relate to it on some level. Communication blows me away.

Thanks again to all the people I met at the theaters in NY, LA, and SF you were a part of one of the bigger events in my life. Because of you guys, I'm pretty sure the film happened. Thanks to all the dogs and Pandas for helping along the way. Thanks to my favorite person in the world for coming along and making it all mean so much more.

YOU HAVE A POSTCARD

Can you please post this whole e-mail on my blog including this text. Is that possible? It's the night before my film opens, and right now all the reviews are coming in. I am not looking at the reviews but I am checking out Bai Yun and her new cub. They're sleeping in the birthing den. I can't figure out if I feel like Bai Yun and Tsucker is the cub or visa-versa or maybe I'm the birthing den, or maybe these are just pandas that have nothing to do with the movie and that's why they are so beautiful and helpful. Thank God for the Panda Cam. Mike

Send your own Panda Cam postcard! Click here!

THIS IS WHAT A STORM LOOKS LIKE FROM ABOVE

I joined the business class today: In the morning I flew from NY to Boston, did a day of interviews, and this evening I flew back. This was my first press without Tilda or Lou or Kelli or Keanu or Ben or Vincent. There was an intense storm happening in each city. On the ground I got soaked, but up in the sky I flew through some of the most dramatic clouds I've ever seen. I looked down and saw the trace of what Lou wrote on my hand just yesterday while we flew on the plane together
- it says "bum".

MY POWER ANIMAL

There is a scene in the film that involves "Power Animals," so I often get asked what my power animal is: The answer is dogs. We first premiered the film at Sundance, I was feeling probably more nervous than I have in my life, unsure about how to handle the press, the weight of trying to sell the film that night, and the little red carpet they put out in the snow. As I got to the end of the carpet and the press line, I noticed Golden Retriever with a ball in its mouth, apparently waiting for me. He/she was there amongst all the hustle, no one seemed to notice, but we made eye contact and he/she wagged it's tail. I took this as a good omen. While the rest of the cast made their way through the press line I got to play fetch. Someone from the festival nicely found the address on his tag and escorted him home as we went in. I'm sorry I do not have a picture of this - I didn't have a digital camera yet, I didn't even know what a blog was.

Since then dogs have shown up at key moments in Thumbsucker's life.

Edinburgh, Scotland: before our screening I come across this seeing-eye dog doing his job. His back is turned to me but I know he knows I'm right behind him. The festival goes better than I could have hoped for.

Just a couple of nights ago we were at the Toronto International Film Festival. The theatre there is huge, something like 1500 or 2000 seats and two balconies. The great thing is that most of the audience seemed to be real people that had nothing to do with the industry. I was pretty nervous with the size of the crowd, showing the film outside the US, that it was Keanu's home town and he was with us. After Tilda, Lou, Kelli, Keanu and I introduce the film we leave to get dinner - and there is this dog at the side of the theatre. His/her owner was waiting to get autographs from one of the actors. I petted him and he licked me.

Just last night in NYC. We have our NY premiere and many of my friends and people I admire are there. I get nervous all over again. During the screening my girlfriend and I went to get dinner, and there on the street, we meet this puppy. Look at how noble and little he/she is!

Coincidence?

THE UNDERSIDE OF EVERY TABLE, CHAIR AND BENCH IN MY TORONTO HOTEL ROOM

SOME GREAT THINGS

O.K.- I was told how many people have visited this web-site, it's a big number, something like 139,000 people in one week. Thank you all for coming! But this has made me so self-conscious I can no longer ramble on freely. So maybe I'll just try to show you things I think are great but don't have the advertising budget Thumbsucker does.

MT. EGYPT
I love both of his records, Battening the Hatches and his new one Perspectives. If you're in LA in OCT. he's playing at Tangier a bunch (I don't know what or where that is but I'm sure you can find it). You can hear some songs on his website. I love his music.
http://www.mtegypt.com/

THE HUMANE SOCIETY OF THE UNITED STATES
I am so proud that the HSUS is part of our website and will have tables at our premieres. I just saw a piece on CNN reporting how they are helping with all the abandoned pets in the wake of Katrina. The representative said the human crisis and the animal crisis are interrelated: so many of the people that stayed to save their pets, and so many of the people that made it out are now desperately searching for their lost animals. It was wonderful to see this group doing all they can to rescue animals and reunite them with their people.
http://www.hsus.org/

THE SIERRA CLUB
I am also so proud and excited that the Sierra Club is part of our website and premieres. The following is from their website concerning the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge: “Congress is closer than ever to turning the pristine, unspoiled Arctic National Wildlife Refuge into an industrial oil field, but there is still time to save the Refuge! That's why a coalition of conservation, labor, religious and other citizen groups representing millions of Americans who believe the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge should remain wild, unspoiled and free of oil rigs have joined together to create Arctic Refuge Action. With a pivotal vote scheduled for this coming September, we hope you'll join us this summer in an unprecedented grassroots campaign to save the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge!"
sierraclub.org

SARAH SHAPIRO
Her first record, A River of Blood, on DoggPony records is great. She's one third of New England Roses, and she's working on a new record that totally blows me away. I mean it.
http://www.dnp006.com/

KYLE FIELDS DRAWINGS
Kyle Fields is the man that is the great band LITTLE WINGS. This is a site of his drawings. Wow, how good are these drawings?
http://www.kyledraws.com/

CAYCE, TODD, and CORTEZ
My great friends and my awesome godson! I have dinner at their house way too often and they are some of my favorite people. I can call them no matter what I did wrong, no matter what mood I'm in and they can deal with it. I don't know what's better than that. I love you guys!

I MISS AUGUST

I leave today for the Toronto Film Festival and then pretty much travel to a different city everyday until the 23nd of September. This is the last big crunch of press stuff I have to do around the release of the film on the 16th of September. This is the moment I've been most excited about and have most feared. After Toronto I will go to NY, Boston, back to NY, then LA, Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco. Today I was packing and dealing with my digital camera and I found a bunch of pictures from the press tour I did in August. With this much stuff going on, last week seems like a month ago and August feels like Junior High. Things were much simpler back then, we were all smaller, and our mom's still packed lunch for us. I kind of miss August.

Here are some of the pictures I took.

From a wall in Denver.
How beautiful is this? I'm not sure what it's about - it feels harder and more intense than depression. More specific than doubt. It might be a painting of fear, or hostility. As I walked past, it jumped out at me, so is it desperation? Or I'm getting it all wrong and it's hope, or love - yeah it's love! That would make sense cause I've had a feeling I've been misunderstanding what love is all these years.

Also from Denver.
Don't you sometimes feel like a 5 story bear trying to get into a glass building? You gently put your huge paws against the glass cause you broke down the last building you peered into with your sheer size and inability to be subtle. You so want to go inside, that's where every thing's happening, but you know the door's way to small for even your foot to enter.

From San Francisco.
There were huge amounts of pink carpet in this hotel. When I was a kid I always half-wished I would be swallowed by a whale and forced to live in it's mouth with the sailors, debris, and other children that got caught there. Walking on this carpet reminds me of living on the tongue of the whale. Yeah, I'd be in a prison of sorts, but I'd be free of all the expectations people had for my grown-up self. I would be off the hook, a permanent recess, and I'd have some cool outfit.

Denver.
Every time I look at this I feel like I just said "stick-em up".

Minneapolis.
I've been trying to figure out my emotions through Lou for too long. This caused us to snap into another dimension where the difference between me and him were hard for even us to understand. UP and DOWN broke their contract with each other, and we were caught in the middle.

Chicago.
I saw this in the airport. It's a satellite map of the emotions people are having across the U.S. I never knew they moved in waves like the weather. We are all so much more connected than I thought. The areas that are just grey indicate places where people aren't having any emotions. They are just waiting for the trade winds to blow some feelings their way. There are some small pockets where just a few people are having emotions and the people around them, the grey people, are saying, "dude, calm down."

San Francisco.
Girl on the right: "Jezebel, what's that white glowing ball of energy in your lap?"
Girl in the middle: "It's all my intuitive knowledge of the universe that I've carried with me since before I was born. Go ahead, you can pet it."
Boy on the left: "It's Satan"
Girl in the middle: "Shut up boy"
Boy on the left: "It's Satan"
Girl in the middle: "It likes to come out and sunbathe in my lap and be stroked - it's kind of needy"
Girl on the right: "Oh."

Denver Airport
At first, I loved this message. But the more I think about it, smiling for a year would be a form of physical torture. I can already feel the headache.

I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW

One week from today, one week from this time right now, a little after 7 in the evening LA time, Thumbsucker will have just opened and people will be watching it. Is that 5+ years of work all coming to an end? Or is it the beginning? Or I don't know what.

But right now, a little after 7pm LA time, this is what's happening at The golden Gate Bridge, and simultaneously at the Eiffel Tower, and at something called the squid cam (there's no squid to be seen but there is a beautiful neon green triangle -why?), and in Times Square, and Yosemite, and at the Shamu cam (no Shamu either), in Monterey CA and finally in Antarctica. I feel much better now.