August 07, 2005
A strange thing is about to happen. After spending six years in my life, Thumbsucker is about to enter the world. The film will leave home, buy a used car, go to college, start wearing different clothes, make friends and enemies, catch colds, and maybe even meet someone special. Thumbsucker has been in and around me for so long it feels like... my kidney, or one arm, or a pet I lived with, or a sibling, or an old girlfriend. This part of me will now travel in metal cans to darkened rooms in different cities. People I don’t know will actually pay money to watch my arm, kidney, pet, sibling or old girlfriend without me there to help. I feel nervous about this. I hope you like this part of me that somehow left my body. You might even take it home with you after it’s over. That would be great, I’ve had it for a long time now, and really, that’s what all this was about - to share something with you.

For a long time I thought this wasn’t going to happen. Just about every financier or distributor in North America and Europe said "no" to Thumbsucker. For years it was "no". I remember sitting in my house one night with this sentence in my head, "if Thumbsucker gets made, I will have to think about the world differently". It will mean you can hear "no" more than you can stand and it can still work out. So here I sit in a hotel room in San Francisco about to start doing a week of interviews, and I’m thinking about the world differently. It can be very dark for a long time and it can still work out - I promise (and remind myself) - It only takes one "yes".

thumbsucker entry 1

Here is a picture of the people that take care of me. They are saying goodbye as I start my press tour. As long as I follow the rules and go to the bathroom in the porcelain toilet they are very nice to me. They feed me, give me baths, throw the ball, take me for walks and love me intensly. My only problem with them is that they work too much. I try to teach them that the present moment is all there is, but they worry about history and what other people think of them. They are not ready for my truth.

Thanks to Brendon, Aaron, Sara, and Aya for helping with the links section of this site. Check out, I spent about an hour doing this the other night.

My all time favorite is the panda cam at the San Diego Zoo. It can talk you off many ledges. Check it out late at night, I love to watch them sleep.

Posted at August 7, 2005 10:56 AM